I have just come across this, reprinted in the Black Country newspaper Express & Star, and reproduce it here in full, hoping I’m not infringing any copyrights:
The traditional Christmas nativity story has been told for countless generations . . . but not always quite like this! This version of the nativity was written by Londoner Michael Prescott, who came to the Black Country many years ago and discovered the area’s rich dialect while teaching the children at Sunday school. Using the words of the children he taught, he put together this unique Nativity story back in 1968.
Mary, er babby an a bostin tale
There was this girl called Mary and er lived in a place called Nazareth. One day er mum went out an er was left do do the ousewerk.
All of a sudden the room went all bright and when er turned round er sid somebody standin by the winder. Er wor arf surprised and nearly fell off er chair.
“Oom you?” er asked, “yo day arf gie me a tern.”
“Doh be scared,” answered the bloke. “I wo urt ya. Me name’s Gabriel, an arm an angel.”
“Yo ay, am yer?” said Mary.
“I am,” ee replied. “An I’ve cum to tell ya summat.
“What?” said Mary, cause er was thinking what a carry on this was.
Yo’m gooin ter av a babby.”
That shook er, and er looked at im an said: “Doh be saft. I ay marrid.”
“That do mek no difference,” ee answered. “If God says yo’ll av a babby, yo’ll ava a babby, yo will an that’s it. Yo’ve got ter call im Jesus.”
Mary was still a bit shook, so the angel said: “An arl tell yer summat else. Yo ay the only one oos gooin to ave a babby. Yer cousin Elizabeth is gooin ter ave one an all, an er’s an old woman.”
“Well, if you say so, ar suppose that’s it,” said Mary. “Me chap wo arf be surprised.”
When eed gone, Mary med up er mind to goo and see Elizabeth an went off ter Juda.
Elizabeth was waiting at the gate an when er saw Mary er said: “Ar ay arf glad to see yo, but fancy yo cummin to see we in yor state.”
Mary answered: “An angel cum an sid me, an arm gooin to av a babby in December.”
Elizabeth told Mary that er old man, Zacharias, day believe er when er told him about the babby, an ee were speechless.
“Ee cor spake a werd now,” er said.
The chap what Mary was engaged to was called Joseph. When Mary told im about the babby er was having, ee day know what to think.
Ee said: “Yor mum wo arf kick up a chow row.”
Any road, ee day get is air off, an when ee went ter bed that night, an angel cum to im in a dream. “Doh get mad at Mary about the babby,” ee told im.
“It’s God’s son er’s avin, an is name’s Jesus. Sumbody’s got ter av im, or ee wo get born, an yower Mary was picked.
“So just yo marry er, me mate. There ay nuthin ter worry about.”
Soon after they was married, Joseph cum in an told Mary: “Arv ad a letter from the tax mon, and that Ceasar says as we’ve got to goo to wheer we was born to be taxed. So we’ve go to traipse all the way to Bethlehem next wick.”
Mary cut sum sandwiches an packed a few cairkes an opples.
Then er med a bottle a tay, an when they’d ad a daysent breakfast, Joseph got the donkey out, put Mary on, an away they went.
“Cheer up, our kid. It ay far now,” Joseph told er.
“We’ll soon av a rest. I keep gettin bricks an sond in me sandals.”
When they got into town, Joseph knocked on the door of an inn an asked for a double room.
The bloke what answered said: “I cor elp yer. There’s that mony on em eere they’m avin ter sleep in the passage.”
The next un was like it an all, but Joseph said to the chap: “Ain’t there anywhere we can goo? My missus is out theer on a donkey, an er’s gooin ter av a babby soon.”
The chap scratched his yed and said: “We cleaned the stable out after tay, so it ay mucky. If I shift a couple of osses an a camel, you could kip down theer.”
“We’ll tek it,” said Joseph, straight off.
In the noight, Mary woke Joseph up an said: “The babby’s ere.” So Jesus was born, an they wrapped im up tight an put im in the manger what the osses et out on. Mary an Joseph wor arf proud. The innkeeper cum with is missus an brought Mary sum ot milk.
They thought Jesus was a bostin little lad an the innkeeper said to Joseph: “Yo’d better cum an av a drink to wet is yed.” So he did.
Up in the ills, there was sum shepherds luckin after the sheep. It was cold, so they was sittin by the fire lettin their dogs do the werk while they ad summat to eat an a smoke.
Suddenly the sky lit up loike bonfire noight, an an angel cum. They day know owt about angels and they was that frittened they all fell on the ground.
“Yo’m a silly lot,” said the angel. “I shore urt yer. I got a message for yer.
“There’s a baby bin born in Bethlehem. Is name is Jesus an ees God’s son. Goo an ave a look at im. Ee’s in a stable lyin in a manger.”
Any road up, they cum down the ill into Bethlehem. One said: “It’s or roight im sayin we’ll find the babby in a stable, but they’m all over the plairce. We cud be looking for wicks.” Then they eard their mate’s whistle an they fun em outside a stable built in a cave. Someone whispered: “Doh mek such a clatter. We’m ere.” One knocked on the door and Mary called: “Come in.”
They took off their ats an went in on tip toe.
The chief shepherd said: “Adoo missus. A angel tode we ter cum an see yower babby.”
Mary smiled and beckoned them in. Joseph said: “Eere ee is. Cum an look, but mind you doh breathe on is face.”
The shepherds knelt down round the manger an looked. “Ay ee tiny?” said the youngest. “An ay ee got little onds?”
“Course ee’s tiny, yo saft ayporth,” said the leader, “ee’s new, ay ee?”
“I know that,” said the young un, “but you cor imagine God bein little, can yer?”
Mary smiled an said: “Oil spin sum wool an knit im a jumper, an is dad’ll play the flute ter mek him sleep.”
The shepherds turned to goo, an little Jesus smiled. The leader said after as it wind, an all babbies did it, but ee wor as sure as ee med out.
While all this was a-gooin on, three wise kings was in a country far away lookin at stars.
Suddenly, one on em put down is telescope an called: “Cum eer yo lot. Oi’ve fun a star wot wor theer afore, and it ay arf a big un.”
“Yo’m roight mate,” they said then they looked. “Oil bet it’s that one what’s to tell us a new king was born.” They checked up an it was.
One day, they cum to Jerusalem an went up to the Palace an knocked on the door. A sentry opened it an they asked: “Is the King in?”
The sentry said: “Arf a mo, Oil goo an see.”
The King’s name was Erod, an ee was in.
“There’s three kings to see yo,” the soldier told im. “Oh ar?” said Erod. “Weer?” Ee ad a fit when the soldier told im “Outside.”
“Yo cor leave kings standin on the step,” said Erod. “Get em in.”
So they all come in, an Erod said ow noice to see em an wot cud ee do fer emn. They said they was looking fer a new king, and wondered if ee was theer.
Erod said: “Ee ay ere, but when yo’ve fun im, drop in on the way back so’s Oi can goo anay a look meself.”
They said “Righto,” an off they went.
When they’d gone, Erod said to isself: “Theer’s ony room fer one king ere, an Oi’m it. When Oi know weer the new un is, Oi’ll have im killed.”
The star stopped over the ouse where Jesus was, an the kings day worry cos it wor a Palace. They went in an knelt down by Jesus an gid him their gold, frankincense and myrhh.
Mary looked at the presents an said: “Thank yo, they’m smashin, but Oi’ll keep em till ee’s bigger, if yo doh moind.”
The kings took off their crowns and bowed.
Then they said: “Tarrah abit,” an went all the way back wum.
But they day goo back past Erod’s palace cos a angel ad told em what a awful bloke Erod was, an ow ee wanted to kill the little Jesus.