Today is my stomaversary, a joyous occasion, well worth celebrating. One year on from emergency surgery that saved my life, and the formation of my colostomy. So what if the Old Grey Mare ain’t what she used to be – I’m alive and kicking!
How best to mark the occasion? I did consider sticking a little birthday candle into my stoma, but only for a few seconds: the comic picture in my head made me smile. I would have to lie down on my back, of course, for the candle to stand upright, and I wondered if I’d have the necessary amount of breath to blow it out. There would also be the risk of my stoma spontaneously deciding to emit some gas and fulfilling the fantasy of many little boys who have attempted to light their own farts. Oh yes, the potential for cartoons is high!
So abandoning that idea, I moved on to create a virtual candle by decorating my pouch in fitting manner, using food colouring. Food colouring seemed like a stroke of genius when I began my work of art but I rapidly discovered that it becomes indelible on the fingers and thumbs. Green fingers are, in my case today, not a metaphor but a reality.
It takes more courage than I possess to walk about openly flaunting my bag so I showed it to those closest here who I know would be amused, took a photo and shared it with those who would be amused but aren’t here. I was amused in turn by some of the reactions: it looks as though there could be a market niche for Special Occasion Ostomy Bags … with Hallowe’en and Christmas coming up, I might go into business! Any takers?